The roller coaster is inside of a cave. All around is darkness, like night. The cart we are sitting in begins to move. It is too late to turn back. The cart's bottom scrapes against the tracks. Screeeeech. My heart begins to beat faster and faster. The candy apple red cart begins to move at a steady pace. Splash, splash. The water below the tracks begins to splash against the pitch blackness of the cave walls. A musty smell fills the air, almost like we are out to sea in a ship from Columbus's time. I can taste the ocean in my mouth. I begin to feel sick. Maybe riding the roller coaster wasn't the best idea. The cart begins to move faster. Chug, chug, chug. We are out of the cave, into the blinding sunlight. Oh, fresh air. We being to move upwards. I see a long trail of tracks. I look over the cart, and I remember. I am afraid of heights. Deathly. Afraid of heights. I close my eyes. The cart stops for a second. I calm down. Suddenly, a gush of ice cold air blows onto my face. AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! All around me, people are screaming. My heart is close to exploding. The cart is crying out for help, the friction is so strong. I truly believe I am going to die. Please don't let me die; I'm too young, I silently pray to myself. The wind stops blowing. I open my eyes. It's over. I am alive. I congratulate my self and take a few calming breaths. Inhale, exhale. I turn to look at my companion.
"Let's go again."
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
A Roller Coaster Ride
Posted by Shri at 6:59 AM
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3 comments:
Good job Shri!! :) You really described the sound of the roller coaster. Also nice job saying how you felt. I really liked your use of metaphors and similes, they really added to your piece of writing, I think you should use these in future as well. Also the sensory details really made your description come alive, they made feel like I was actually there. Overall I think you did a really, really good job and I hope that your writings in the future will be like this one. GOOD JOB!!
-Lukas
Your writing made me form an opinion about the roller coaster making a person nervous and scared but after taking a ride, enjoying the thrill. I could feel your tension beginning to form as the roller coaster screeching as it moved forward slowly. Great description, Shri!!!
I really thought that your piece was good because of many reasons. First I really liked how you used lots of showing words like splash and screech. Second I liked how the piece really seemed to moved with your emotions. Third and finale I liked the way the story seemed to move like it would go up and down like the roller coaster
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